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Post your best jokes here!!! and dont forget there kids here as well 
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Come on guys there must be some ??????????
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OK, heres one 
A helicopter was flying around Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.
The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.
People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.
After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
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What goes up a drain pipe down. but will not come down a drain pipe up?? Come on you UK guys,you have the answer to this!! 
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Syma Freak said
What goes up a drain pipe down. but will not come down a drain pipe up??
An umbrella
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Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter". Esther always replied, "I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars".
The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's 50 dollars." Morris and Esther agreed and up they went.
The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
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Raptor said
Syma Freak said
What goes up a drain pipe down. but will not come down a drain pipe up??
An umbrella
Spot on!!
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Raptor said
I'm impressed!"
Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know -- 50 dollars is 50 dollars."
I laugh my wine all over my monitor, seeing the punch-line. love it.
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I think I'm almost out of helicopter related jokes, i think this is my last one.
A blonde pilot decided she wanted to learn how to fly a helicopter. She went to the airport, but the only one available was a solo-helicopter. The Instructor figured he could let her go up alone since she was already a pilot for small planes and he could instruct her via radio.
So up the blonde went. She reached 1,000 feet and everything was going smoothly. She reached 2,000 feet. The blonde and the Instructor kept talking via radio. Everything was running smoothly. At 3,000 feet the helicopter suddenly came down quickly! It skimmed the top of some trees and crash landed in the woods. The Instructor jumped into his jeep and rushed out to see if the blonde was okay.
As he reached the edge of the woods, the blonde was walking out.
"What happened?" the Instructor asked. "All was going so well until you reached 3,000 feet. What happened then?"
"Well," began the blonde, "I got cold. So I turned off the big fan."
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A blonde was driving home, when she noticed another blonde in a rowing boat, in the middle of a field trying to row it.
She stopped the car and furiously shouted to the blonde in the rowing boat, Hay you!!!, its woman like you give us blondes a bad name and if I could swim! I would come over there and give you a "slap"
By the way my wife is Blonde 
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Raptor said
Cant see a penguin anywhere ????
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Supernova said
A blonde was driving home, when she noticed another blonde in a rowing boat, in the middle of a field trying to row it.She stopped the car and furiously shouted to the blonde in the rowing boat, Hay you!!!, its woman like you give us blondes a bad name and if I could swim! I would come over there and give you a "slap"
By the way my wife is Blonde
I was gonna say that one! Stripped down version of a joke comming up!
A blonde in the deep south walks into a shoe store, looking for a pair of alligator boots, but is horrified that they cost $300. The shoe store attendant was driving home the next day, through a small swamp on his way. He sees the blonde standing in the water with her husband's shotgun. "WATCH OUT! THERE'S A GATOR COMMING FOR YA!" he yells. BOOM! she shoots it dead, rolls it over and looks at its feet.
"Dangit, this one's not wearing any boots either!" (throws into a pile of dead gators)
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A BEAR walks into a bar and said can I have a—————————————————————————————————————
Beer please ?
The Barman says Why the big pause ?
The Bear says dont be daft, I have always had them.
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A duck walks into a bar and said to the bar man, Got any bread ?
Barman, Nope we have no bread sorry.
Duck, 10 mins later, Got any bread?
Barman NO! I told you 10 mins ago.
Duck 10 mins later, Got any bread?
Barman, (Shouting) No we have no bread and if you ask 1 more time I will nail your beak to the table OK !!!!!
20 mins later, Duck, Got any nails?
Barman NO I HAVE NOT GOT ANY ******** NAILS.
Duck, Got any bread?
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Supernova said
A duck walks into a bar and said to the bar man, Got any bread ?Barman, Nope we have no bread sorry.
Duck, 10 mins later, Got any bread?
Barman NO! I told you 10 mins ago.
Duck 10 mins later, Got any bread?
Barman, (Shouting) No we have no bread and if you ask 1 more time I will nail your beak to the table OK !!!!!
20 mins later, Duck, Got any nails?
Barman NO I HAVE NOT GOT ANY ******** NAILS.
Duck, Got any bread?
trolololol
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